Chelsea Wolf and Emma Ruth Rundle’s Anhedonia appeared to me via YouTube this afternoon. I’m glad it did, not just because it’s such a precious, powerful song with some of what I believe to be Wolfe’s best lyrics, but because it’s helped me take some terrifying steps forward in not letting my mental health dictate my life.
It might sound fucking ridiculous what I’m about to say, but it’s the truth. I was initially afraid to click on Anhedonia and listen to it, despite having heard it several times on previous occasions. Why? Because I was plagued by anhedonia for most of 2019 and almost all of 2020.
It pushed me to the edge of my known existence. I thought that by listening to and then sharing the song, I’d wake the most terrible beast I know, and it would come, break me down again and take me back to the edge. (Oh, the shit mental illness puts us through.) Fortunately, It hasn’t, and I’m fucking delighted I took the risk. I’m standing a bit taller this evening.